With
Grant, I struggle on a daily basis on how to lovingly parent but at the same
time set boundaries and rules. Matt has
the same struggles but handles them differently and I would say better than I
do. In the moments of his utter
meltdowns and screaming, I try to stay composed and calm but let’s be honest…
That isn’t always the case. There are
times when I falter and think to myself it would be so much easier if we just
gave in. I will be the first to admit
that there are times when I lose my cool because I am at my wits end with a
little boy who absolutely refuses to listen and no method of parenting or
discipline is getting through to him.
Quite simply, I become unglued and exhausted.
That
is why I found it so fitting when a friend on Facebook shared a Bible study she
had done called “No more unglued Momma mornings” and I knew it was exactly what
I needed… to feel like I am not the only one dealing with this struggle and
feeling the guilt of not always knowing the right thing to do, say, or having
those moments when I lose my cool. The
quote that caught my eye was “The rhythm of motherhood will always be set to a
slightly chaotic beat. I can be rattled
to the core by the unpredictability of it all.
Or I can choose to laugh, dance, and remember I’m managing blessings.” I
am working on having fewer unglued moments or moments when I am rattled to the
core because I have lost control of a situation. I am trying to make “imperfect progress” as
the Bible study talked about and over all just slow down.
I
want to conscientiously choose moments to be a “counselor parent” as the study
points out and express my love for our children no matter what they say or do,
yet be strong enough to deliver appropriate consequence. I want to learn to allow them to struggle so
that real learning takes place. I don’t
want to be a “rescuing parent” who leans heavily on love, but shies from truth
or a “dictating parent” who leans heavily on truth, but mixes little love. As the study pointed out, “It is difficult to
balance, and our anxiety or anger often reveals where we fall on the continuum
between rescuer and dictator” and I know where I want to strive to be.
As
I mentioned, another struggle in this all has been my return to work. Before my return, I was ready and had mixed
feelings about it all. After my return,
I have struggled in the last week to find a balance and feel like my children
truly get quality time with me. I think
I have pinpointed why it’s been so much harder to go back to work than it was last
time with Grant. It isn’t because I love
Amelia more than I love Grant. In fact
there was a time in my pregnancy with Amelia where I wondered to myself how I
could possible love two children as much as the overwhelming, make you want to
cry kind of love I feel/felt for Grant.
Did I really have enough love to share and give another child? The answer is an unequivocal yes. Anyway, I think the answer for me for why it
has been so much harder is because I have now witnessed firsthand with Grant
how fast it really does go. The saying
is cliché and we hear it all the time but the fact that our baby boy is now 2 ½
in what seems like the blink of an eye blows my mind. And I know Amelia is just behind him and those
precious moments go too fast and I don’t want to miss a moment.
So
I will remind myself on a daily basis or in those moments when Grant isn’t
listening and Amelia is crying and feel spread thin to make imperfect progress
and most importantly we are not alone!
Philippians
4:6
Don’t
worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and
don’t forget to thank him for his answers.
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